Divorce is painful. No matter what caused the marriage to fall apart and no matter if everyone involved is better off apart, it is still one of the most difficult things you can go through. This is especially true if you have children involved.
We have all heard stories about the crazy things people do when they are going through a divorce. It can bring out your worst behaviors and expose your inner-most insecurities. According to author Lisa Lavia Ryan, when your ex-spouse decides to remarry, you have to consider how you will handle this new person that is now inevitably linked to you and your children.
Of course, most people start out hating their ex’s new spouse. You don’t want your position as a parent to be threatened by this person, so it is easy to make the new spouse a target for all of your frustrations. Things can really spin out of control if the new spouse is determined to hate you back.
In many cases, however, as time passes you will grow more secure in the new family dynamics. You understand that nobody could ever replace you as the father or mother of your children and it becomes clear that the people that suffer the most in your war against the new spouse is your children. Do you really want the new spouse to be mean to your children? Of course not – you just want to make sure your kids never like him better than you.
The sooner you can take a step back and see the new spouse as a person, you might realize that he is not out to take your place as a parent or to make your life miserable. In fact, many new spouses are willing to bend over backwards to make things work if you give them the chance. You may discover that you share things in common. You both have been married to the same person, so it is likely that you have some similarities. Of upmost importance, you have your children in common.
It is unlikely you can make this transition overnight, but over time you should strive to let go of the negative feelings toward your ex’s new spouse. Try to appreciate the time and resources he is providing to your children. Nobody expects you to be best friends, but he doesn’t have to be your sworn enemy either.
Contact the knowledgeable attorneys at the Men’s Divorce Law Firm. Our office is located in Orlando, Florida, but we proudly serve husbands and fathers across the State.