After counseling hundreds of men going through a divorce, psychologists Sam Buser and Glenn Sternes decided to write the book, A Guy’s Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce, to answer common questions men might have about how to handle the process. One of the main focuses of the book, dating, offers some Dos and Don’ts for finding love after a divorce.
The first tip Buser and Sternes share is to not rush back into dating. “Divorce is one of the most painful experiences in our lives,” Buser says. “And the natural tendency is to look to women as an antidote for the pain.” The psychologists suggest asking yourself some key questions to determine if you’ve dealt with your pain enough to pursue dating. This includes asking if you are okay living alone, if you have reconnected with your friends and family, and if you are free from constant thoughts about your divorce. If you can answer yes to all three, then you can finally put yourself out there and move on.
Another tip Buser and Sternes have is to be yourself. It’s unlikely you will meet the girl of your dreams pretending to like something you don’t, so go after what you are truly passionate about to find women with similar interests. This is another reason it is important to take some time before dating because many men need the time to figure out who they are and what they want to do. Their whole life might need to be re-evaluated so they can once again discover what drives them in life.
Finally, it is important for men not to hide their divorce. Buser and Sternes suggest working your divorce into the initial conversation with your date so there are no surprises later “It’s not something to be ashamed of, but I do think it’s relevant and tells your date where your head is likely to be,” Buser says.