Divorce and Valentines Day

Valentines Day, if you are going through a divorce, are recently separated, or at any other point in the process can cause additional stress and depression.  It is important to remember that on Valentines Day if you are divorcing or a divorcee you are not alone.

The NY Post reports on the findings of professional rating site Avvo.com, which says the number of people seeking divorce increases about 40% around Valentine’s Day, compared to the previous six months. Questions about divorce spike in that time too. Lawyer Kelly Chang offers one explanation: “This can be attributed to two major groups of people: the ‘Delayed New Year’s Resoluters’ who are merely moving forward on their resolution to be single, just a month late, and the ‘Waiting to Exhalers,’ who, depending on the actions of their spouses on Valentine’s Day, will either reconcile or file for divorce.”

If you are splitting over Valentines Day there are a number of things you can do to still have a great time that doesn’t involve popping every heart-shaped balloon you see.  Deborah Kelly-Dubois, a clinical psychologist in New York City says that, ”Love is about feeling good and living in the moment. Having expectations, especially for the holidays and celebrations are hard to avoid. Try your best to put aside what you think this day should be about, or what it was about for you in the past and recreate it for who you are today.”

Idea 1: Have Some Heart, for Your Community

“It’s like there’s a major slow down after Christmas,” says Craig Austin a volunteer for Project Angel Food, Los Angeles. “People are in the spirit of the holiday and then they get back to their lives in mid January. We are inundated with volunteers right before Christmas and then ‘poof’ a lot of people disappear in the New Year.”

Volunteering is a great way to get out of your head and into your heart. When you give your time to others who are less fortunate than you it’s a wonderful reminder to be grateful for all the abundance you have in your life.

Idea 2: You can still Party On

Look at Valentines day like any excuse to have a good time with a themed party.  The party shouldn’t be an “Anti-Valentine’s Day Celebration” since you want to concentrate on abundance and positive attitudes not lack and negativity. Invite all single people and tell each person to bring a platonic member of the opposite sex. This way there’s no concern while straining across the room to see if the hottie in the green sweater is wearing a wedding ring.

It’s a fantastic excuse to make red Jell-o shots, put out some decadent chocolates and fun candy hearts. Be cheeky and serve only red drinks or have a kissing booth! You can go as over the top or as mellow as your mood. Make it a time to get to know new people, make friends and turn the whole ‘Valentine’s Day = Romance’ formula upside down.

Linda Dearborne of Encino, Calif., said, “I went to a party like this about three years ago right after a break up. I didn’t meet any guys, but I did meet a woman who became one of my closest friends and confidantes. She was also going through a separation and we bonded and had so much fun checking out the single guys! It was the first truly great time I had after my husband and I split up. Today (my friend and) I throw this kind of party annually and it’s become a kind of tradition. As long as we’re both unattached we figure we might as well celebrate it!”

Idea 3: Love Thy Self

You work hard, and if you’re going through a divorce you’ve been working even harder!  All that added stress is likely going to your brain, and your shoulders.  Relieve the tension by giving a little love to the number one person in your life, you!  Treat yourself to a massage, or go all out with a spa day.  Invite along a friend or make it all about you.

Why stop there?  Continue the doting with flowers, chocolates, tickets to your favorite show or sports game, a beer with the guys, or anything else that makes you happy.  Do the things you want to for yourself that you may not do otherwise.

Idea 4: “Date” the Kids

If your a parent you have one or more Valentines who look up to you and already adore everything about you to an unconditional degree.  Spend Valentines with your children and it will not only be filled with precious memories but it will take your mind off any sorrow that may be surrounded with the day.  Pack cards in their lunch boxes, or pick them up from school with chocolates.  It will make their day special and their happiness will brighten yours.  Keep the spirit by going out to dinner or a movie or having a special family game night.

Idea 5: Go Dancing

Two left feet? Can’t Dance? Never done it before? Throw the excuses out the window and use this Valentines day as the perfect opportunity to try something new.  Dance is a great way to revive your body and get reconnected to your sensuality. Maybe you’ll uncover a passion you never knew you had?

Maria Torres of Broadway Dance Center in New York City says, “ The Latin dances and especially the Tango are filed with seduction and romance. It’s all about connecting to your partner and having a great time! It’s fun to see all these people who in the beginning of class are so nervous about how the look, and are all concerned about whether or not they are they doing it right. Even the most nervous students by the end of the two hours are smiling and laughing. A few of the beginners even stick with it and become really good! It’s a fun hobby and a fantastic way to meet and relate with people. The best part is you don’t even have to say a word!”

Grab a friend and hit the floor or meet someone new at the studio!