Just as children and families go through special milestones there are some unique ones for fathers as well. An Australian news outlet posted an article from au.askmen.com on the – slightly humorous – milestones that fathers may experience.
It covers the path from birth to regaining independence as an adult in one’s golden years. We thought it was worth the chuckle that it may bring out in fathers no matter what point in the process they are at:
-You learn to sleep through the night again. This may happen only 20 years after your children are born, as you have lost the knack. Some parents never reach this milestone.
-You go out with a friend and don’t spend the entire evening talking about how tired you are.
-You go on a date and don’t spend the entire evening talking or thinking of your children.
-When your child is about 2, you realise it knows more about your smartphone than you do.
-You notice that you no longer debate whether or not to have another child, because you are totally done.
-You are able to take a shower while your children are awake.
– Other people show you their baby and you can’t remember how the thing works.
-You drag your strollers from the garage, scrape some of the vomit off, photograph them and advertise them for sale online.
-You travel by plane with your children and it does not rank as one of the 10 worst days of your life (this will only happen post-strollers).
-Your children learn to watch TV. You can now have a free hour a day.
-Your children learn to operate the TV themselves.
-You realise that weeks have passed since you heard anyone in your peer group quote Ethan Hawke’s line about parenthood from Before Sunset: “I feel like I’m running a small nursery with someone I used to date.”
-You cease to fear weekends and holidays.
-Your child learns to read and write, and can therefore send text messages. Now they will never want to interact with you face-to-face again.
-You pack your child off to stay with a grandparent. Instead of getting homesick, the child phones and asks if they can stay another month.
-The adults you spend time with are no longer all people who live in your neighbourhood and happen to have relatively nonviolent children of similar age.
-You are able to watch TV items about suffering children again.
-You realise that your child runs faster than you.
-You realise that your child knows scientific facts that you don’t.
-You close the playground gate behind you for the last time in your life (you will definitely not babysit the grandchildren), and if your knees are still up to it, you run a lap around the playground cheering.
-You return the unsold strollers to the garage. Perhaps you can foist them off on your children when they have children.
-You try to spend time with your children, but they are not keen.
-One weekend morning you wake up and think, “Hmmm. I wonder what to do today?”